Dear Salty Vixen, My boyfriend Nate and I have been together for almost 7 months. We had been friends for a little over a year before we got together, so he saw what my last relationship was like. I cheated on my previous boyfriend twice, and almost a third time with Nate. Now, he doesn't trust me. We have been living together for about 3 months, and this is really putting a damper on our relationship.
At first, I thought he had a good excuse for not trusting me seeing as I did cheat on my ex, and he was just worried I'd do the same to him. But, now we fight every time I want to go out with girlfriends, or if I go anywhere by myself because he thinks that I will do otherwise. It's even to the point that he goes and checks to make sure that I am where I say I'm going to be, and uses redial on the phone to see if I called anyone. I think that it is just pointless and I am getting fed up, but I love him with all my heart and do not want to be without him. He says that he is trying to trust me, but it doesn't seem that way to me. So what should I do? I just have no idea! Please help! -Can't The Past Be In The Past?
Dear Can't The Past Be In The Past?,
It can be pretty uncomfortable living in a situation where your past is constantly being thrown in your face. The first thing you should look at is why you are living together if there isn't equal trust. Each person should have a set of personal values or guidelines they abide by. High on that list should be never engaging in a situation where you feel, or are treated, less than the other person, regardless of past issues.
I empathize with your boyfriend's perspective, but it doesn't make his choices the best possible solutions for your situation. The fact of the matter is if you wanted to cheat on him you could, regardless of how often he checks your whereabouts. He has to learn to either trust you as you are, or not and be with someone else. You are not creating building blocks for a longer, successful relationship by allowing this to go on as it is. You should take a step back and not make any decisions based on the fact that you love him, but rather on how much you love yourself.
XOXO,
