Dear Salty Vixen,
My boyfriend and I are young and financially stable. I think he could be the one. Since moving in together earlier this year, I’ve noticed how lacking our sex life has become. I’m very experienced for a young woman with over 20 previous sex partners, but he has less than 10.
I’m very open with him about my sexual fantasies and what sorts of things I’d like to try. I’ve encouraged him to do the same but he can never come up with anything he wants to do. Sometimes our sex feels robotic like we’re just going through the motions. But I know what crazy great sex is like because I’ve had it. I’m bisexual with dominant tendencies when it comes to sex, but he says he likes to be dominant so I try to let him. He doesn’t really take the lead and rip my clothes off or touch me with any fiery passion.
When I call him out on it, he blames work or stress and reassures me that he thinks I’m hot and that I turn him on. It’s just hard to believe when I’ve had sex with very passionate people. He’s had moments of passion and excitement, but I just think we’re too young to be this dry and boring. I have boundaries when it comes to extreme fetishes but I’m really willing to do anything he wants. I thought that was every man’s dream.
—In Love But Sexually Frustrated
Dear In Love But Sexually Frustrated,
Kinky and open is not only not every man’s dream—for some, it’s an actual turn-off. That’s not the real issue here, though. The problem is that you’re already frustrated by the lack of sex—and lack of serious engagement on his part with that frustration—but you think this guy might be “the one.” Please, before you get any more entangled, decide how important sexual fulfillment is to you.
Do this before you get married, before you entertain the idea of having kids, and before you’re tempted to go behind his back to get your kinks catered to. Force a direct conversation with him about the issue and see whether you can work together to negotiate a solution or not.
