Maybe your partner works 8+ hours a day and is bushed when she/he gets home and just wants to crash in bed or veg in front of the television. Maybe your partner spends all day with the children, changing diapers and running after little people and is exhausted by the time the kids go to bed at night. Maybe the two of you used to have great adventurous sex all the time but lately it has slowed down, the spontaneity is gone, and the sex has become plain old vanilla when it does happen. What can you do if you are wanting to spice things up again and get your partner in the mood?
Let’s work on spontaneity first. Remember how you used to leave love notes for each other? Now you instead leave notes for each other about what brand of pasta sauce to get at the grocery store that day. I suggest writing a personal ad to your spouse and posting it on the bathroom mirror or in her/his briefcase instead of in the paper or on the web. For instance, you might write up a blurb reading, “Horny mother of two with sleep deprivation seeks a handsome, tall, very married man to give her a better reason to stay up all night than a sick child. Seeking hot, passionate, loving sex and sweet somethings to be whispered in her ear while the children are at their grandmother’s tomorrow night.
If this is a role you can fill, and I know that you can, call me from work.” Personally I have found that some of the best sex that I have ever had has been in hotel rooms. Make a lunch date with your partner, pick her/him up at the office, blindfold them, and drive them to a close by hotel where you will seduce them. To really heighten the mood, register under a false name. It will add to the sense of adventure. If it is hard to be romantic after a hard day at work or with the kids, put the alarm clocks under your side of the bed, try to get to sleep early that evening, set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier than usual. When the alarm goes off, seduce your partner. Or, for true spontaneity, come up with some adventurous ideas of your own.
What can you do to turn your partner on and bring the sense of adventure back into your sex life? There are lots of videos that are very arousing and can lead partners to have wild sex. The Lovers Guide to Sexual Fantasy and Sex Games for Couples are both great movies to watch together because they are both instructional and arousing at the same time. You may get some new ideas or even remember some old ones that you haven’t tried in awhile. You may want to even rent or buy some pornography to watch together. This can be very arousing and lead to some terrific sexual activity between the two of you.
Maybe seeing is too much; maybe you want to get the imagination running on overdrive. A surefire way to do that is to read graphic erotica aloud to your partner. Herotica, Volume 6 edited by Marcy Sheiner, focuses on relationships.
A very hot collection of lesbian erotica if that is more your style is my book: What She Desired : 32 Hot Lesbian Stories. Very hot & naughty stories 😉 .
These stories are guaranteed to spice up your sex life. And, of course, if your sex has become very vanilla & you want to liven things up a bit, try some light, or not so light, B&D or S&M. You may want to read our article, Safe B&D for the Beginner first. If you are looking for something different, you might want to consider purchasing some latex lingerie that Electric Lover sells. We have clothing items for both women and men that are drop dead gorgeous outfits, which will titillate your partner for sure! These outfits are great for role-playing and can be easily incorporated into your new S&M lifestyle. Having brand new toys available and explaining that you really want try them out might be just the trick for your partner.
The real key to turning your partner on & bringing the spice back into your sexual relationship is to think creatively. Keep in mind that the best way to turn on your partner is to be aroused yourself. Nothing is hotter than seeing the person you love wanting you, waiting for you, and pining after you. That is just plain hard to ignore. So, you need to figure out what will turn you on, and that, in turn, will turn your partner on as well. Don’t be afraid to try new things. In fact, the best way to spice your sex life up is to try new things. Most importantly, have fun! If the stress in your life is making it difficult to initiate or have sex, try laughing together instead of having sex.
By releasing some of the tension and stress, you and your partner are likely to feel much more aroused. And never forget how arousing a relaxing massage can be. Release tension and sexual inhibitions at the same time. Cuddling can turn hot and randy, or it can just be romantic and innocent, but it is never a waste of time. It adds to trust and a sense of security in a relationship, which will allow for more intimacy of a sexual nature down the road. Remember to stay solution focussed. What this means is that it is going to be very important to remain focussed on how you want your sex life together to be instead of how it is right now. Stay light, stay creative, stay positive, stay in love, stay in lust, stay versatile, and stay open-minded.
