I was telling a good friend of mine about the crazy search terms people have used to find my site - as you know, I've spotted some very interesting ones in the past. One of my favorite was "Fart erotica" - yep it is a thing. I wrote a fart erotica story for those who are interest in it.. because why not? Salty Vixen Stories & More will be starting a series of Truly Awful Erotica.
You all know that Salty Vixen started out as a writer of erotica, that now I have audio erotica (Bedtime Stories with Salty Vixen) in addition to my Loverotica. Erotic is fun to write. It is fun to write word porn, or erotica fantasies, since many of us are lonely people and getting a relationship with the Dating Apps sucks butt monkeys. Then there are those who are in sexless marriages who are wanting a way to get jizz out and erotica is a wonderful way have that fantasy and release.
I have assembled the fine, fine buzzing swarm of search terms that have brought you, my readers, the first episode of: Truly Awful Erotica.. Everything in color was an actual search term that led someone--maybe you--right here between my virtually parted thighs. Everything in black is merely my gooey goodness.
Truly awful erotica...it's so bad, it's bad...
Truly awful erotica...it's so bad, it's bad...
“Please don’t cum in me,” she cried as my balls emptied into her cunt.
I wasn’t in a mood for listening to her. I was in the mood for naked vampire women, dicking Snow White, or girls in rollers giving blow jobs, preferably to me. I knew what I wanted, I knew I wanted it now, and I knew how to find it.
I just didn’t know where it was. Fortunately, I had the whole world wide web at my disposal. It’s always a problem of search terms.
“My mother always said ‘Helena Bonham Carter,’” she said, looking at me with those big eyes of hers. “Why does my vagina make farting noises during sex?” she asked. She was the queen of non sequitors, my Anais was. But Anais likes pink sox, and I’m a sucker for pink sox.
She also asked a lot of questions. Why I fucked a monkey. Should a woman wash her fanny before letting a man lick her. What oral sex feels like. What kinky things can you do with baby oil. What is a butt slut.
Because it was there, I told her. Yes. Good. Lots. You are.
Funny thing. Anais had found me. She emailed me on that sleaze site I like to call Craig’s List. “We are a petite and busty white girl next door type and a tall and curvy half Swedish seductress type,” her note read, “we’re looking for a switch threeway with rheostat.”
I was confused, then intrigued. I wrote her back. I told her that I fuck older women on film, but that I was looking for a sexy mom who wears short skirts and no panties or topless dames who wrestle in club rooms. But any dumb slut would do, really.
Needless to say, she was charmed and hooked me up with pictures of female masturbation with shower head and then the three-way. It was awesome.
“Kiss my bitchy royal spoiled feet, slave,” Anais’s friend commanded me as I entered the motel room. But then she laughed. And offered me a candy clit. No, thank you, I said, peppermint candies make a man impotent.
Now it was her time to laugh.
I gave her an order. “Raise my skirt,” Anais’s friend said, and like a good litter girl, did what she was told. She was a busty girl next door type indeed. I pulled her to me, letting my fingers do the walking all over her curves. I want to look between a girl’s legs before I fuck her, so I made both of the girls spread their thighs.
It was a sight indeed—Anais in her pink sox, all half-Swedish and seductressy. Her friend all busty and white. Let me lick your juicy fanny, I said to them.
“No,” said Anais, “Bang my wife Chelsea.” I found out later the two of them had been married in Vermont. Anais was married before, but she got a divorce when she came home to find her husband wearing sexy wives clothes and riding her dildo. It wasn’t the dildo-riding that bothered her, she said. It was that he never washed them after, even though they had gotten a new Nicholson Baker dildo washing machine as a wedding gift. Also, they weren’t her clothes he was wearing.
So what could I do? I banged Chelsea. I put her face down on the Motel 6 bed, and Anais climbed in front so that every time I thrust my dark man meat into her wife, her wife’s face drove into her pussy. Lemme tell you, I liked fucking that litter girl’s pussy.
I call her a litter girl because her father invented that clumping kitty litter. She’s totally loaded with litter money.
Anyway, we stayed in the Motel 6 for a while, all the time a Sara McLaughlin sex tape playing in the background, and I fucked the two of them good. I fucked Chelsea and then I fucked Anais and I fucked her so good I got jizz on her monkey. What can I say? It was there.
Now though, I was getting bored of Anais and her white apron bondage antics. Sure, she had innocent wife fantasies about fucking strangers with bigger cocks, and that was charming and all, but I wanted something else…something different…something like…
A granny slutfest? Maybe. Or a marshmallow enema? A giantess inserting shrunken men? Something… I’d find it; it was just a problem of search terms.
Did you like this one? You're sick. You disgust me. And attract me. Maybe you want to try it too--the truly awful erotica, I mean. Do it and I'll link you like the hott hott thing you are.
