Getting dumped out of the blue is just about the worst way to get rejected by your loved one. Not only do you have to deal with the shock of getting dumped but it usually takes the dumpee much longer to get over the break up.

Often people go into confusion and question everything about their ex. Why did she say she loved me one minute and wanted to leave the next? How could he change his mind so fast? Did my ex really love me in the first place?

So what exactly happened?

Well make no mistake about it, your ex had been preparing for the break up for quite some time (this could range from weeks to months even). They were just very good hiding it and often they might have even hid it from themself.

Of course to you this is not going to make any sense. Especially when you look back at only a few days or weeks ago and they were planning your engagement, wedding, end-of-year holiday or something else of that nature.

Was your ex lying to you? Well perhaps lying is not the right word for it. When someone decides to do anything that constitutes a rejection, for example fire someone, turn down a date etc, first they will need to rationalize their decision. Everyone knows it hurts to be rejected, hence why the job of firing people is not too pleasant. So in order for your ex to go through with this (and for anyone going through with this) they need to come up with ‘good’ reasons.

These reasons must inherently make them feel good about themselves and their decision. Whether they are the ‘real’ reasons or not doesn’t matter. As long as it’s good enough and it doesn’t make them look like a bad person, that’s the reason they’ll go with.

This is why you have to take their reason to leave with a grain of salt. Sometimes your ex will even lie to themself simply to justify the decision and not ‘appear’ like a bad person.

Remember a break up is never truly ‘out of the blue’, if your ex  has left you, it’s best to NOT question the situation to death because truth be told, they might not even be able to say exactly why they left in the first place. What IS clear however is that they weren’t happy with some aspect of the relationship.