The perfect marriage I would say was my grandparents. They grew up in the era of courting, manners, respect, communication, love and kindness. The art of courting, I feel in 2022, has virtually disappeared, especially in the online dating scene. With that said, I am going to tell you a story my grandmother told me.
When my grandparents were first married in the 1940s, they did not have a lot of money. At first they lived at my grandpa's mother's and father's house. His mother was lovely and kind but over-protective her her sons. She loved my grandmother but at the same time was controlling the marriage and that bothered my grandmother. One day, she had enough. She never argued with her mother-in-law. But instead. called my grandpa at work and said "it is your mother or I, your wife. We are married and we need to build our marriage together, not with your mother constantly standing next to us, telling us what to do or think"
After that conversation, my grandpa told his mother, that he needs to grow up and he moved out of his parents house and to the house where my grandma lived, which ,was her mother's house. My great grandmother, her mother, was modern, and let people live independently. Whereas my grandpa's mother was very Appalachian. My grandma wasn't used to that, so was my grandpa's mother controlling? No. She was a loving person and my grandma wasn't used to it as she grew up in a one-parent household. As weeks went by, my grandma and my grandpa's mother became best friends. They had a great mother & daughter-in-law relationship.
It was because of my grandpa's mom, my grandma learned to let go of control and learn to have family around, something my grandma did not have growing up. She learned a lot about relationships and marriages from my grandpa's great grandmother, the wisdom that I now have that I will pass down to you all out there whoever is listening.
Marriage is about love, respect and communication, which you place into a pot that turns into marriage manners. You appreciate each other and learn from each other, learn to adapt to things because that is what a relationship is.
What, do you think that because you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone that you don't have to use good manners? Manners is a way of expressing to another person that you care enough about them to treat them with a degree of respect. You wouldn't make demands of a perfect stranger if you wanted something done. You would ask, politely. Why would you treat your spouse any other way? After all, this is someone you love.
I leave you with some food for thought in the form of 3 quotes I found regarding manners:
"The final and perfect flower of noble character." ~William Winter
"Fine manners are the oil that lubricates social contacts…Ability is adorned by nothing as much as by affability." ~ Rabbi Leon Harrison (1886-1928)
"The art of making those people easy with whom we converse." ~Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
