Dear, Salty Vixen: My boyfriend of nine years cheated on me with my best friend.... three years ago. I found out when she called his cell phone and I heard the conversation. I confronted him and he said that she was just a friend he and the rest of the guys hang out with and nothing more. I demanded their so called friendship to stop or I was out. He changed his cell phone number and said he never heard from her again. I've had a feeling all these years that he was lying, but I was in denial.
I got a sexually-related infection right after that, yet I was still in denial. Now, after three yrs all of the emotions are coming at me again because she came to visit old friends. It turns out she has a three year old son that resembles my boyfriend and his nieces and nephews a lot. So, I asked him recently three years later if he had sex with her and he admitted to one time and one time only. He says the day after they had sex was when she called and he was busted and knew it wasn't in him to be a cheater. I have to live with the fact that he had sex with someone else and may have had a baby with her. We have been trying to get pregnant and lost seven times. After all this time I'm hurting all over again. Did I wait too long to confront him again? Please help me.
--The Truth Hurts Worse
Dear The Truth Hurts Worse,
I know how difficult this situation must feel to you right now, but there is real truth to the saying you don't get handed something in life that you can't make it through. Sometimes the truth really does hurt and even though ignorance may feel like bliss, it is much better to have all eyes open and be aware of what's going on around you.
The issue here is really about trust and your emotional well being. If you can't trust your partner you don't have a relationship. You really need to open your mind to the possibility that there is something or someone better for you out there. I know when you've been in a relationship for such a lengthy period, it's hard to imagine anyone else, but we are talking about your health and your happiness. After seven miscarriages your emotional state probably isn't at its healthiest level. Your trust factor is more than likely at an all time low as well. If you add in the fact that you have been involved for such a lengthy time and you're not married, you have a lot to think about. You deserve to be in situation where you can find happiness without mistrust and emotional sacrifice.
If you decide that sticking it out with your boyfriend is your best course, please make sure it's not because you are settling or are comfortable with him. Iron out all of your issues and concerns first. Don't think he's the only fish in the sea for you.
XOXO,
