I was married to a physically & emotional narcissist. After I got divorced, I dated another narcissist. That narcissist gave me major PTSD. I got over my ex husband, and because of the guy I dated, that was when I woke up and realized that everything the narcissist did, both ex husband and ex boyfriend was a placebo effect.
I have been scared to talk about the narcissist only because I was threatened many years ago. And when I get triggered, which I have lately, I get physically sick. I am not alone and this is common. I am still angry with myself because I believe the narcissist cared about me and in reality, he was lovebombing me so he could get his masturbation fix (it was an online relationship, but we knew each other off and on for many years. ).
My friends asked me why didn't I just say no to him and I have said many times .I can't say no. I am an empath and he is a narcissist. He can be persuasive , always has and I fall for it. He knew this. He knew how much I fucking liked him and he took advantage of me and I let him. Why? Because of his smooth ways. When shit hit the fan and it was over, he called and called tried to get me to collaborate with a story to make him look good because he lied to everyone. He tried to paint me as the villain in the story because nobody would believe me. People knew I was quiet and shy and I would not speak up. So if he told "oh she always liked me. she is making it up" his lie would be believable. Except people who know me, knows I do NOT lie.
Time has passed and I am sure he has forgotten about me but the PTSD I had gotten from it is so fucking real that when things get triggered, my emotions goes up and down. My friends won't listen to me and I have been alone in this healing journey. The thing is with narcissists, you are never 100% free of them as they live rent free in your head and/or you will run into them at some point again. This time, I am stronger and I won't take shit from him ever. again.
So here is the thing, when you date/marry/live with a narcissist, it can be impossible to recognize if you don’t know the signs. You’ve been groomed to believe your experience is normal, that everyone behaves like this, that all relationships are like this, and that if you work harder and give more, you can make it work.
The sooner you see your situation clearly, the sooner you will find freedom. I wish I knew the signs back in the 90s... I wouldn't have married my now ex-husband and I wouldn't have allow myself to let the ex narcissist boyfriend come back into my life after all these years. I have forgiven him and do care about him but at the same time, I am upset still. I am upset because he lied to save his ass and tried to paint me as the villain in the story. Nobody would listen to me or ask me for my side of the story. They never ask the empath.
Below are 29 signs you’re in an abusive relationship — signs you’re being terrorized by a narcissist in your own home. Some of these you may have noticed. Others may seem "normal." And some are going to blow your mind.
Here are 29 chilling signs - take note on this:
1. You start out feeling like you’re "living the dream," but quickly realize you’re in a nightmare
2. You realize nothing you do will ever be "right"
3. You alone are responsible for all relationship, financial, and household problems
4. You can’t trust anything the narcissist says
5. You feel like you’re with another child, not a partner
6. Nothing of yours is sacred — It will be used, moved, broken, or hidden
7. Your birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions are sabotaged
8. You are drilled about who you were with, who you talked to, and who you’re connected with on social media as if you are a criminal
9. You wonder if you’ve been bugged or tracked
10. You witness extreme reactions to seemingly minor things
11. You walk on eggshells to avoid triggering their feelings
12. The narcissist blows up when you want to improve the relationship
13. You make excuses — lots of excuses
14. You run interference for your kids and other family/friends, so they don’t experience the wrath
15. Over time, you notice that family/friends grow close to the narcissist
16. You notice conflict or strain in your relationships that never was there before
17. The narcissist’s opinion is the only correct point of view
18. The energy of the home is tense
19. You lose the ability to relax
20. You feel anxiety as you approach home
21. You find novel ways to "read the room" to know what to expect when you walk in the door
Your mind is making excuses already. I hear it. Know this. These are the signs. They are not normal. They are not healthy. A relationship like this is not sustainable. I had dealt with a Narcissist during my school days in the 90s took a break for years until reconnection in 2017. I have major PTSD from it.
22. You grow more and more insecure and unsure of yourself
23. You become physically and emotionally sicker each day
24. You wonder if something is wrong with you
25. You lose all connection to what you want and need
26. You look in the mirror and no longer know who you are
27. You become unable to make even simple decisions
28. You question your reality, your memories, your beliefs
29. You know you need to leave, but look for reasons to stay
If any of the last 8 rings true, you are in an abusive relationship — you are a victim of intimate partner violence. If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone
